


The Man Who Can't Be Moved

by amczingphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Instability, Pining, Regret, Songfic, The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 23:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13534599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amczingphil/pseuds/amczingphil
Summary: Phil left.Dan isn't about to let that stop him though, he's going back to the place where they first met and he's going to wait for Phil, for as long as it takes.





	The Man Who Can't Be Moved

**Author's Note:**

> *based on the song by the script*

_ Going back to the corner where I first saw you _

Manchester Piccadilly Station had changed a lot since that first day Dan had visited it back in 2009; for instance there were more shops and people seemed to scuttle about everywhere like ants searching for something but Dan wasn't sure what that something was. He was however sure that there weren't as many people all that time ago, but maybe back then Dan had just been too occupied with the fact he had been on his way to meet Phil for the first time. His internet idol and the guy he had been harbouring a crush on over countless of hours of skype calls. All the other people in the station had faded into nothing when he had caught that first sight of the man who would become his entire world. 

Dan could see the place where they had first hugged each other after he had gotten off the train, and he could remember how safe and comfortable he had felt in Phil’s arms, it had been as if Phil’s warmth was surrounding him. Now, Dan was cold, he felt as though every chill was piercing his soul and reminding him how vulnerable and alone he really was. 

Once, while they had been lying in bed together during the early days of their relationship, Phil had rolled onto his side so that they were facing each other and whispered one little sentence that had echoed in Dan’s mind ever since then. 

“This is only the beginning of everything.” 

Dan had been aware that Phil had partially been referring to their careers on YouTube and the job offer they had received from the BBC to become regular hosts of their own weekly show, but in his own mind he was thinking about how much their relationship would solidify and how inseparable they would be. 

How ironic was it that Dan had returned to the place where they had met nine years later with the knowledge that Phil was no longer a part of his life?

In fact Dan didn't even know where Phil actually was, when they had split ways he had been too upset to ask him where he was going and Phil had never mentioned it. There were so many things that Dan would have done differently if he had been given the chance, so many things he would have said, so many apologies he would have made, all to keep Phil by his side. 

He had failed, despite everything that they had been through, they had grown too far apart and it was mostly Dan’s fault. He couldn't even blame Phil for wanting to end things, he probably would have done the same in that situation. When they had initially gotten together they had agreed that their personal life and professional life should be kept completely separate. No one was to know that they were anything more than friends. 

It had been hard, but worth it because it had meant that everything that they were was theirs alone. They got to choose how much of their relationship was in the open, they got to keep things between themselves if they wanted to and now that they had split up it was only their business. 

They hadn't needed to explain to their viewers that they were breaking up for good or any of the reasons behind their decision, they just had to announce that they were moving into seperate homes. They had said that their gaming channel would continue but the uploads would be further apart - that had been a lie, neither of them had posted in months or had any intentions to.

_ Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move _

Dan had only decided that he wanted to reach out to Phil a week or so ago. All the bitter thoughts and anger had finally evaporated leaving only understanding, regret and pain. If only he had agreed to be more open about their relationship, maybe then they would be making hot chocolate together again in their kitchen and Dan would laugh loudly as Phil tried to squirt cream into his mouth only to end up with it all over his face. 

It was too late. 

Phil had sent Dan a brief message explaining that he needed a clean break and when Dan had tried to message back, none of his messages would send. Phil had blocked him. Everywhere that Dan tried was unsuccessful - he had even tried to log out of his tumblr and send him anonymous asks to apologise - nothing worked. 

Dan was going out of his mind, he  _ needed  _ Phil in his life and maybe people would say that it was unhealthy and he should just accept how things were, but it wasn't going to happen. He was back where he had met Phil and he was going to remain there until Phil turned up - if he ever turned up. 

_ Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand _

He had printed off his favourite photo of Phil - the one of him wearing one of his auntie’s handmade bobble hats and looking incredibly content with life - and he had laminated it to show to people in case they had seen Phil. 

He  _ knew  _ how it sounded. It was completely insane, nobody in their right mind would ever consider sitting in the corner of a busy train station on the off chance the person they loved would turn up. 

_ Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?" _

There was nothing to indicate that Phil would ever actually come back, Dan didn’t even know whether he was in England any more, for all he knew Phil may have decided to move to America - he did love the pancakes there.

Just the thought of that was enough to send spike of pain shooting through Dan. America was a long way away and if Phil had gone there then he wouldn’t be getting off a train at Manchester Piccadilly Station any time soon, last time Dan had checked planes didn’t land in train stations.

He had to have faith in Phil, in his memories of everything that they had once had together otherwise he wouldn’t know what to do.

_ Some try to hand me money, they don't understand _

“Here you go, Son,” an elderly lady said holding out a twenty pound note, “you don’t look like you’ve been out here long, you still have a chance. Why don’t you go get yourself a respectable haircut and apply for a job?” 

“Oh, no, I don’t need that,” Dan said as he shook his head and refused to accept what was most likely her pension money.

“There’s no need to be proud, we all go through rough spells and it’s ok to accept a little help every now and then,” she said insistently.

_ I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man _

“I know, but that’s not the sort of help I need, I’m not homeless,” Dan said, hoping that she wouldn’t notice the lie.

Technically he could afford to find another place to rent, he had savings and he wasn’t paying rent on their - his - place in London any more. He had put all of the furniture into storage and let the lease go, he wouldn’t need to pay rent on a place that he had no intentions of going back to. Besides, that place caused him nothing but pain, it was like every square inch of it was filled with memories that he and Phil had made together.

“You’re not?” she asked, looking completely baffled, “then why are you here? Why do you have a cardboard sign? You should be on your way home.”

“I’m waiting for someone,” Dan said hoping that he sounded sure of that, “I just don’t know how long he’ll be.” 

“Is his train delayed?” she wondered.

“No, maybe, it depends really,” Dan said with a sullen look at the barriers that let a swarm of people through as they entered the station looking rumpled from their journey. There was no Phil.

“Son, are you alright? You don’t seem to make much sense.”

_ I know it makes no sense but what else can I do _

“I know,” Dan said with a bone weary sigh, “truth is, I don’t know if he’s even coming.” 

“Can’t you call him, I know you young things always have those little touch screen thingys glued to your hands,” she said.

“I kind of broke mine,” Dan said, “and I never really memorised his number because it was always there,  _ he _ was always there.” 

“So you’re going to sit there for how long?” 

“As long as it takes,” Dan said stubbornly. 

“You won’t last,” she said, “you need to stop being silly and move on with your life. There’ll be more people who steal your heart.” 

“I don’t want anyone else,” Dan said, “would you at least look at his picture?” 

_ How can I move on when I'm still in love with you _

“Oh, I suppose so, but it won’t do any good,” she said, “the world is a big place, he’s not just going to randomly turn up here.” 

Dan handed her the picture, “his name is Phil,” he said quietly.

“Phil,” she repeated and let out a huge sigh through her nose, “this probably isn’t going to come as a surprise but I’ve never seen him before. He is cute though, I can see why you’re struggling.” 

“He’s amazing,” Dan said quietly swallowing back the lump in his throat as he imagined how Phil would have once snickered as he said that and muttered something about his branding being on point, “if you see him can you tell him where I am?”

“I can and I wish you all the luck in finding him,” the woman said, “but my advice is really to go home. You’re young, this isn’t the end for you, don’t ruin yourself for a man who left.” 

_ 'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me _

Dan stroked a finger along Phil’s smiling lips carefully as the lady left, she had no idea what lengths Dan would go to in order to see Phil one last time. 

He had no idea whether Phil was even missing him, there was always the chance that when Phil had left he had never looked back. Dan wasn’t sure if he had ever looked back on their videos together and wondered what things would have been like if they’d put more effort into conserving their relationship. It was something that Dan had thought about countless times, what if he had phrased something differently? 

What if he had tried to stop Phil that night where he had shoved some clothes into a suitcase and left to go and stay with his brother? What if he had turned up on Martyn and Cornelia’s doorstep and demanded to speak with Phil? Would things have been at all different? 

Would Phil have come home?

Was Phil now wishing he could go home? A thrill of panic shot through Dan as he considered the possibility of Phil returning to their London flat only to find strangers living there, he would have no idea how to reach Dan. 

_ And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be _

What if he gave up and decided that it was the universe giving him a sign that their relationship was completely dead and there was no point in trying to revive it?

Would he pause and wonder where Dan had gone? Would he ever try to hunt him down? Maybe even unblock him from all social media? Maybe he already had, but it was pointless now considering that Dan had smashed his phone. 

He had to have faith in Phil, they had talked relentlessly about how Manchester Piccadilly Station would always be their special place because it was the place where everything began, it was the start of years of happiness and neither of them would ever be able to forget that. 

Remembering all those moments and memories that they had shared was painful, but forgetting them? That was somehow even worse. He would take the pain of remembering over that of forgetting any day, because then at least the pain came with a smidgen of hope and nostalgia. 

He could easily remember the moment where he had been lying in bed watching Phil rake through the sock drawer as he looked for a suitably matching pair of odd socks. 

“They’re odd, why would they need to match?” Dan had asked. 

“It’s the aesthetic of the oddness, Danny,” Phil would say jokingly, “I can’t match sloths with sushi, but I can match them with frogs.”

“Why?” 

“Because they’re both animals, animals go together but animals and food don't,” Phil had said surely. 

“You know what else goes together?” Dan asked, smirking to himself as Phil hummed in curiosity, “you, me and this bed.”

“Is that a hint?” Phil asked. 

“It’s a strong suggestion,” Dan said, “come on, I’m getting cold without you beside me.”

“Fine,” Phil had groaned but Dan saw the smile on his face as he turned his head away, “I’ll come back to bed on the condition that you get up at seven tomorrow and come to that business meeting with me?”

“Ugh,” Dan groaned, contemplating his decision for a moment, “fine, whatever, just get your ass over here, Lester.”

_ Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet _

It was those memories that stood out the strongest, the little ones, the seemingly silly ones that could be found even in the most mundane of days. Not the huge things like their tour or their books, not even designing their board game, those memories weren't  _ theirs.  _ They weren't the private little moments that only the two of them knew about. 

It was the times like when Phil had noticed that Dan was running out of almond milk during his vegan phase so he had gone to the shop to buy him more only to accidentally bring home some weird brand of soya milk that tasted extremely unpleasant. Dan had gritted his teeth and finished his coffee despite that, because he was so touched that Phil had even thought to go out and buy him milk. Of course Phil had noticed later on in the day after using it to make a hot chocolate and somehow it had ‘accidentally’ been knocked over and spilled on the floor. In that case there really hadn't been any point in crying over spilled milk. 

The memory of their first meeting was more special than all of the others combined. That was why Dan had to believe that Phil would think to return to the station to find him. He would. 

_ And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street _

When he did, Dan would be there. He wasn't going anywhere else. 

_ So I'm not moving, I'm not moving _

Time passed. Countless days that combined into weeks and maybe even months, Dan wasn't completely sure and he was losing track. All he knew was that Phil would be turning up any day, he had to be. 

Word of Dan’s whereabouts had spread online, or at least Dan assumed it had because he had gone through a period where subscribers would constantly approach him and ask if he was alright, they wanted to know what was going on, they wanted to know where Phil was. He had almost laughed and bitterly muttered, “me the fuck too,” but somehow had found a bit of strength somewhere to contain that thought. 

Eventually they must have realised that he was a lost cause, they weren't going to get a selfie, they weren't going to get a witty comment or a cheeky grin. They weren't going to get much of anything. 

“Have you heard from Phil?” Dan would ask them initially, but after learning that he hadn't uploaded to any social media sites he gave up trying to find out information. 

It was almost as if Phil had disappeared from the face of the Earth, like he had never even existed. It was a terrifying thought and if it wasn't for the fact that other people had acknowledged Phil’s existence and the photo that was beginning to curl at the corners despite Dan’s careful care of it, maybe he would have believed Phil had never been there.

_ Policeman says, "son you can't stay here" _

Of course, not everyone was happy about Dan’s determination - security had tried to move him a few times but like a bad smell he kept going back. There was nothing they could do other than arrest him to keep him out, and they hadn't done that - yet. 

Dan just couldn't risk being kicked out and Phil returning during those moments only to believe that Dan wasn't there. The thought was like taking a red hot dagger to one of his kidneys - he just couldn't deal with the thought of that happening, it was beyond comprehension. Phil  _ couldn't  _ turn up when Dan was gone and leave forever, he couldn't. It would kill Dan. 

Eventually security had just left him - he wasn't stealing anything, he wasn't causing trouble, he was simply waiting. No matter how long it took, he was waiting. Phil would come. Eventually, Phil would come. 

_ I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year" _

Dan had no idea how long he would sit there for, but he was sure that he would remain for as long as it took. His family had grown concerned about him but eventually stopped visiting or trying to get him to go home.

Various friends  had turned up and tried in vain to talk sense into Dan. 

“...Phil wouldn't have wanted this…”

“...do you really think this is the best way to reach him…”

“...it’s twenty eighteen Dan, there’s other ways…”

“...you could ask someone for his number…”

“...you’re being ridiculous…”

None of their logic worked, Dan had become fixated on the idea of waiting for Phil, he no longer cared about being normal or returning to life as he had once known it. He could imagine that his subscribers had thought that he had lost his mind. Maybe he had, surely he had to be insane to think that he was doing the right thing? 

_ Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows _

Winter came in a flurry of snow and bitter coldness that seemed to permeate through Dan’s skin and chill him to the bone. Along with the snow was the inevitable cancellation of trains that caused fewer people to pass through the station on a daily basis. People would still stop and try to give him their spare change, Dan would still refuse and ask instead if they had seen Phil. None of them had. 

“You need to give up,” one of the regular commuters had said to Dan one frosty morning as she waited for the train to take her to work, Dan liked her, she would always bring him a coffee to warm him up, “if he hasn’t come by now then he doesn’t deserve you.”

“You’re wrong,” Dan said, “it’s the other way around.” 

“Maybe in your eyes,” she said with a shrug, “but from my perspective you’ve more than proven yourself.”

“It’s not enough.”

“Go home, Dan, spend Christmas with your family, forget about him,” she said and Dan could hear the unspoken ‘because he’s forgotten about you’ hidden in her sympathetic smile.

“No, he’s coming,” Dan said stubbornly. 

“You’re going to kill yourself, you do realise that?” she asked, “this isn't healthy, you’ll end up in hospital.”

“I don't care,” Dan said truthfully. 

“You need help,” 

“I only need Phil.” 

_ If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go _

The look of pity that Dan received would have hurt if he wasn't so used to the pain of being alone. 

Life without Phil was hard, it felt like there was a massive black hole sitting beside Dan constantly sucking all the light and joy out his life, as much as he wanted to get rid of it he couldn't because it was the only thing that was keeping him motivated in his task. 

Dan gathered that the black hole would disappear the moment that Phil returned, as would the heavy blanket of darkness that covered him. No one could see the blanket, not even Dan, but it was there and he could feel it constantly pressing down like it wanted to suffocate him and drown him out of existence. Dan wouldn't let it, he  _ couldn't,  _ because if he let the heavy darkness win then he would lose all hope of ever seeing Phil again. 

The black hole and the blanket were slowly torturing Dan, but they were the reason he was still waiting in his and Phil’s place. 

_ 'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me _

Dan stroked his chin, he could feel the roughness of his stubble coming through from all the time he had spent sitting there without taking a break to go to a hotel and have a comfortable night sleep, and a proper shower and shave. It was ironic, that he was getting stubble, Phil used to joke about how lucky he was to not need to shave every day. Phil would barely recognise him with the newfound facial hair. 

Phil wouldn't recognise him. 

The thought filled him with a genuine sense of fear that he couldn't help but fixate on, what would he do if Phil didn't recognise him? He made a small promise to himself to shave in one of the public bathrooms so that he wouldn't look like a stranger when Phil finally turned up. 

_ And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be _

The thing about sitting there, waiting for Phil, was that Dan had the opportunity to see the best in humanity. People would turn up and sit with him for a short time while they waited for trains or people getting off a train, they would chat with Dan and listen to him as he rambled about Phil. 

He would tell them everything. 

He would talk about how Phil used to steal his cereal and Dan would try and find different hiding places around their kitchen only for the cereal bloodhound to somehow still manage to sniff it out. He never really minded though, all his annoyance had been for show, in fact he would purposefully order more cereal in their weekly shop so that there was enough for the two of them, but he never told Phil that. They both enjoyed the game of Dan trying to catch Phil in the act. 

He would tell them about how much he had loved it when they had made trips up to the Isle of Man to visit Phil’s parents. The cliffs there were perfect to go for walks and reflect upon how far they had come in life, he wanted to do that again one day. He dreamed of the day when he and Phil could walk hand in hand along those cliffs and stare out across the angry waves while murmuring quietly about the future. 

He told them about the dog that they had been planning on buying. A corgi puppy. Dan loved Shiba Inus but he loved the way Phil’s face lit up when he saw a Corgi more, so he had graciously conceded and said that they could get a puppy. They’d even picked their one and Phil had been compiling a list of names on his phone that they would have picked from on the day they had picked up their boy. Dan wondered whether Phil had ever gone to pick up the puppy, or if he had deleted the list from his phone. 

_ Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet _

One of his favourite things to tell people about was the time they had first admitted they were in love. Phil had taken Dan to a skybar for an anniversary and Dan had spent hours staring out over the city, watching as the sun slowly sunk between buildings casting an orange glow across everything. 

“It’s beautiful,” he had said. 

“It’s something,” Phil agreed, “but you’re better.”

“You’re such a sap,” Dan said with a laugh as he flicked a napkin across the table at Phil. 

“You love me,” Phil said teasingly. 

“Yeah I do,” Dan agreed unthinkingly. 

After that skybars had become their ‘thing’, they were places that were saved for special occasions and for Dan they were synonymous with love. It was a shame that Dan would never be able to return to a skybar without Phil by his side. He couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to go there alone. 

_ And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street _

Of course, while Dan was faced with the kindness of humanity, there was also the other side of the spectrum. There were people who hated Dan for waiting there, they had no real reason to hate him, after all they didn't know him. They hated him purely based on the principle that he was was waiting for Phil. If he had been waiting for a girl, they wouldn't have cared, but all their hostility was based upon the fact that he was waiting for a person of the same sex. 

They spat hateful slurs at him, they told him he would burn in hell, they purposefully walked too close so they could ‘accidentally’ stumble over him, kicking his legs in the process. They were vile people who had no reason other than their own prejudice for hating Dan. 

Not even their intense hatred could move him. 

_ So I'm not moving, I'm not moving _

There was too much negativity in the world, Dan knew that as well as anybody, he could feel it in the glares he received from the homophobes, he could hear it in the comments that were made behind cupped hands, and he could see it in the way people looked at him like he was a disgusting cockroach as they give him a wide berth. 

Dan didn't move though, he had to hold onto that slither of positivity, especially when he was constantly being beaten down as the world tried to destroy his belief in Phil. 

_ I'm not moving, I'm not moving _

No matter how much negativity he faced, he held onto his picture of Phil. He looked into those ocean coloured eyes and remembered how it would feel to look in them and drown. Phil had an amazing ability to trap him with a single look, and Dan was powerless to look away, pinned in place by Phil’s gaze and truthfully. He wouldn't have had it any other way. 

Even Phil in the picture was captivating and Dan would happily have spent hours just staring at it, he couldn't do that though, he had to keep his eyes peeled for Phil. 

He would turn up any day now, maybe even wearing his purple and grey bobble hat like he was wearing in the picture, he had loved that hat and had worn it for weeks on end until finally the weather was too warm for his to use it without ending up looking shiny with sweat. 

_ People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl _

“Oh my god, you're him,” a teenager said excitedly as they rushed up to Dan. 

“I don't do the YouTube thing any more,” Dan said in a monotone, “I really don't want to talk about it.”

“Oh, I heard about that too, but I meant that you're the  _ guy,” _ they said still as excited despite Dan’s rudeness. 

“What guy?”

“You’re all over twitter,” they said, pulling out their phone and opening the app. 

“The man who can't be moved?” Dan asked, “that doesn’t seem very creative.”

“You were trending the other week,” the teen told Dan, “everyone talks about you and how you’re waiting for someone.”

“Phil,” Dan confirmed, “have you seen him?”  

“I’m sorry, no one has,” they said sympathetically. 

“That’s impossible,” Dan muttered, “someone has to have seen him, what about his brother? Couldn't someone find him through Martyn?”

“There was a campaign to find him online,” they told Dan, “it was #FindPhil and people tried, they really did.”

“But they couldn't find him,” Dan said with a sigh, “that’s alright, he’ll come here.”

“You really think so?” 

“I know so, I  _ know  _ Phil, one day he will come back here and everything will be better,” Dan said surely. 

“I wish I had your faith,” the person said, “did you know that you’ve been here for over a year now?”

“I don’t keep track of the days, they don't matter anymore.”

“I just can't believe that you’ve kept up your determination, after all that time, and you still believe that he is going to get off one of those trains and come to you,” the teen murmured, “I just couldn't do it.”

“Then you’ve never been in love.”

_ There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world _

“No, I haven’t,” they agreed, “but it’s not only that, I don't think that I could deal with all the things that people say about you.”

“What do they say?” Dan wondered. 

“I think it’s better if you keep your ignorance there.”

“I want to know,” Dan insisted. 

“Well, there are a lot of people who are rooting for you,” they said, “in fact the vast majority are on your side and think that the way you are holding on is beautiful and a true representation of love at it's finest.”

“They’re romanticising my pain,” Dan said. 

“No, they feel for you and hope you get your happy ending.”

“Just like I said,” Dan muttered, “what about the others? The ones who don't think it’s cute and something to write fanfiction about?”

“They think you’re insane,” the person said bluntly with a shrug, “they think that someone needs to intervene and have you committed to a mental hospital because the fact that you’ve been here for over a year proves that you aren't in the right mind to make decisions that are in your own best interest.” 

“I’ve kept myself alive this long, haven’t I?” Dan asked with an arched eyebrow. 

“Yeah, but you don't look great.”

“I’m fine, and soon I’ll be even better because Phil will be here,” Dan said stubbornly.  

“If you say so,” the person said, “can I take a selfie with you? For twitter?”

_ Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved _

“No,” Dan said shaking his head, “I don't want to start that, I need to look for Phil, I don't want to get distracted by people asking for pictures, I might miss him. He’ll be here any time now.”

“Didn't you guys have mutual friends? You could just ask one of them to get in touch with him.”

“No,” Dan repeated, his voice raising ever so slightly in frustration, people didn't get it, “this is the  _ only  _ way. I have to do this otherwise he won’t come. I can't lose him, so i’ll sit here for as long as it takes.”

“Just a tip,” they said, “don't say things like that. You come across as crazy, if you want to keep waiting then do it, but try not to get yourself into any trouble.”

“I’m perfectly sane,” Dan said with a sniff, “I’m just doing what I believe in unlike so many other members of society. People are too preoccupied with what is deemed socially acceptable and how other people perceive them, they often forget that there is more to life than pleasing others.”

“So you’ve given up on those notions and that’s why you’re happy to sit here in the cold for an unknown length of time?” 

“I don't care what strangers think about me, all I care about is what Phil thinks about me, and when he’ll arrive,” Dan said. 

“You seemed politer on your internet videos,” the person said dryly. 

“I was, I cared too much back then,” Dan said, “I wanted people to like me and I would pander to them in the hopes that they thought I was a good person.”

_ Maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news _

It was strange how much life could change over a year, now Dan didn't care if people liked him or not, he wasn't on the Earth to impress them or make them happy. He only cared about Phil, he as the only person who Dan needed to impress. At the end of the day, no one else really mattered. 

Reporters kept coming up to Dan and shoving tape recorders in his face while asking if he would make a statement because they wanted to write a feature on him. 

Dan wasn't having any of it. 

“Listen, I am not homeless, I have money,” Dan said quietly, threateningly, “if you publish anything about me I will hire a lawyer and I will sue your company so hard that it will go bankrupt and you’ll be packing bags at Tesco for a living.”

“Look, there’s no need to be so hostile,” the reporter had said, “we just wanted to give you some publicity, maybe even help you find your man.”

“No, you just want a juicy article and I don't need the publicity,” Dan said, “Phil will be here soon, I don't want your help.”

“Suit yourself,” the reporter said with a shrug before taking away the tape recorder, “here’s my number if you change your mind.”

Dan had binned her number the moment she left, he wouldn't need it, Phil would know where he was when the time was right and he would come for Dan. It was a matter of patience. 

_ And you'll come running to the corner _

Dan could imagine the moment that he first saw Phil, he could practically feel his smooth cheek beneath the tips of his fingers. He could imagine raking his fingers through Phil’s hair and curling a hand behind his neck as he pulled him to press his own chapped lips against Phil’s surprisingly smooth ones. 

But phil wasn't there and Dan was still as alone as ever, with only his picture and memories to go by. 

_ 'Cause you'll know it's just for you _

“I bought you a sandwich,” a man said from beside Dan. 

“Oh, I’m not home-”

“I know,” the man said, “but I also know that you aren’t taking your eyes off that platform so I thought I would bring you something to eat.”

“You knew that?” Dan asked suspiciously. 

“I come here almost every day, I notice things,” the man said, “you would too if you weren't so fixated on looking for that specific person.”

“No one matters but him,” Dan said, “everyone else just fades into the background, all the voices are like white noise, I  _ can't  _ pay attention to them.”

_ I'm the man who can't be moved _

“Maybe you should try,” the man said, “you don't want to lose your grip on reality.”

“I won’t,” Dan promised. 

“Dude, you alright? You're talking to yourself,” an apathetic looking student asked. 

“I-” Dan looked to his side, the man was gone as was the sandwich that he was going to eat had also disappeared, “I’m fine.”

Dan blamed it on the hunger. He was starving and he needed to eat, that was a perfectly acceptable reason for him to hallucinate a person. 

“Sure, dude, whatever you say,” the student muttered before walking off and muttering something about him being ‘cuckoo’.

_ I'm the man who can't be moved _

It was the nineteenth of October again, the anniversary of their first ever meeting, and Dan was back in the place that they had first met in. He hadn't meant to notice the date but a kind passerby had given him their newspaper. If only Phil had been back too, then everything would have been alright and they could have fixed the conflict between them; the cancerous growth that had formed in their relationship and split them apart without remorse. 

All he’d had to do was admit to the world that they were in love. 

How ironic was it that the world knew now that they were apart? Occasionally Dan would see someone walk through the train station wearing their merch, they didn't say hi anymore, they tended to avoid Dan in the hopes that their once idol wasn't really as crazy as people seemed to say. 

Better the memory of happier times than the reality that they were living in. dan understood. 

_ 'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me (find that you're missing me) _

Would Phil have deleted the gaming channel? Or did he leave it up as a relic of what had once been? Dan was torn, he kind of hoped for the both options at the same time. The gaming channel was something that he could have watched to remember all the good times but then if he ever watched it then he would suffer to think about what could have been if they had stayed together. 

Where would that channel have been if they had kept going? 

_ And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be (where on this earth I could be) _

What would have Interactive Introverts have been like? That had been something that they had spent so much of their time working on, only for all those plans to go straight into the bin. No one knew what it would have been, no one except Dan and Phil and they had killed the show and let the premise of it die. All the jokes from their viewers had been pointless in the end because none of them would ever find out what they had missed. 

Was that a thought that would drive them insane? It would have driven Dan crazy had he been in their position. 

_ Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet (to the place that we'd meet) _

Dan didn't know why he was thinking about their tour because that wasn't the person he was any more, danisnotonfire had died, figuratively. There was nothing left to tie Dan to his online persona, except Phil, and Phil was gone. 

In the end, everyone left. Life was a lonely thing, Dan had learned. Phil had left him and even though it had been Dan’s fault he still couldn't help but to feel a flicker of resentment. 

Sure, Dan had been stubborn and unwilling to listen to reason when Phil said that he wanted to share their relationship with the world, but Phil hadn't been willing to listen to Dan when he had said that he wasn't ready to admit his feelings. He hadn't been willing to give Dan a little more time. 

For that, Dan couldn't help but feel bitter. 

_ And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street _

What if the whole ‘secret relationship’ fiasco was a lie? What if Phil had been looking for a reason to leave their little life together? What if everything was just a massive excuse for Phil to make himself feel like he wasn't as big an arse as that situation would have made him out to be? 

No Dan couldn't believe that, he had seen the way that Phil had looked at him. They had been in  _ love _ and that was that. There was no way that Phil could have faked his words or tender looks. Dan knew him and he wasn't that good an actor. 

Although people did say that love was blind, maybe Dan had been blinded by his infatuation with Phil. 

_ 'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me _

Dan shook himself out of his thoughts, there was no point in going over and over things. He had to have faith that their relationship was as real as it had felt, he could drive himself crazy thinking about it. Maybe he already had? Dan would never have doubted Phil in the past. He would have wholeheartedly believed in the love of his life. 

“You alright mister?” a child asked, “you don't look well.”

“I’m waiting on someone, but they’re taking a while,” Dan explained. 

“Oh,” the child said, furrowing her eyebrows as she considered that with a great deal of thought, “I hope they turn up soon.”

“You and me both,” Dan said. 

“What’s their name?” 

“Phil,” Dan said, “have you seen him?”

“There’s a Phillip in my class at school but he’s gross,” she said with a serious look. 

“Oh, my Phil isn't gross,” Dan said. 

“That’s good, Phillip picks his nose and eats it in class.”

“That’s bad manners,” Dan agreed, “hey, where are your parents?” 

“They’re buying snacks, we’re going to London and I’m annoying on trains.”

“They told you that?” Dan asked in shock.

“No,” she said shaking her head, “I do it on purpose because then they get me things to keep me busy and the journey is less boring.”

“Smart,” Dan said with a laugh, “you remind me of Phil.”

“Sara!” 

“Uh oh,” the girl said. 

“What did I tell you about sneaking off?” an angry mother asked as she stormed over, before faltering as she saw Dan and giving him a look of utmost disgust, “come on, I told you not to talk to  _ scum.” _

_ (I'm not moving) and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be _

Maybe her words should have hurt Dan, but he had heard worse. The words didn't matter, people could think what they wanted about him, all that mattered was that he knew who he was, and when Phil finally arrived then he would also know who Dan was. 

Everyone else was meaningless. 

Dan had spoken to countless people and he never bothered to ask their name or learn anything about them because they didn't matter. They would say whatever it was that they needed to say and then they would move on with the crowd, they weren't a part of Dan’s life that needed any attention, they were just there to fill in the silence until Phil arrived. 

_ (I'm not moving) thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet _

Was it rude of him? Definitely. 

Did he care? Not at all. 

People came to Dan and treated him like their personal therapist. Apparently the fact that he wasn't actually homeless meant that he was safe and reliable. They would talk to him about all their problems and Dan would sit there and not care. 

He knew about cheating spouses, drug addicted teenagers, pregnant teens, everything. If there was a problem in someone’s life they told Dan while they were waiting for their train and he just sat there without saying anything. What could he say? He would have told them to shut up but it was more effort than it was worth. 

_ (I'm not moving) and you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street _

So many life stories and he only cared about one.

_ Going back to the corner where I first saw you _

Years had passed before Dan’s day arrived. 

He wasn't sure how many had flown by, the passing of time was mainly marked by the changing businesses that surrounded Dan and the change in train companies. 

He had seen so much. 

He had seen sorrow, joy, love, hate, desperation… 

Everything had built up to that day. 

_ Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move _

Dan thought that he was hallucinating at first, all the time that had passed and all the dreams of the moment Phil would finally turn up were combining together and causing Dan to be overwhelmed and imagine what he wanted to see. 

It was Phil. 

Phil was there, and all Dan had to do was clamber to his feet and run to him, it was finally time. 

Years of waiting and believing were going to pay off and he would be able to pull the only person who mattered into his arms once more. He stood up feeling shaky on his feet and took a tentative step forwards watching Phil carefully to make sure that he wasn't about to disappear from sight. 

“Daddy!” 

The high pitched scream of a small child hurt Dan’s ears, but that was nothing compared to the pain in his heart as Phil turned to smile at the tiny human who was running towards him on clumsy legs. 

“Daddy, Daddy,” the child chanted lifting its arms in the air so that Phil could lift it up. 

A family. Phil had really moved on and built his own little family. It was all wrong, it was meant to be  _ their  _ child that would run at Phil wanted to be picked up because it was  _ their  _ dream to have a child. Someone had stolen their life together and replaced Dan. 

All those times when Dan had wondered whether Phil had missed him - he finally had his answer. Did they have a dog? Did they have their forever home? Was there anything in their life that indicated who Phil had been when he had been Dan’s Phil? 

Dan couldn't look at the scene in front of himself any longer. 

He stood up, tightly gripping the picture of Phil in his hand with enough strength to crumple it, distorting the smile on Phil’s face. He felt an irrational anger towards the child in Phil’s arms, and towards whoever Phil had found who loved him like Dan did, he wanted to run up to them and scream and shout about how unfair it all was but he couldn't do that because it was no longer his place. 

He was no longer a part of Phil’s life. 

Phil had moved on. 

Dan walked up to the nearest bin and dropped the crumpled picture of Phil into it, watching as his only companion over the past years landed in the rubbish. 

Dan didn't bother to turn back and look at Phil. 

Instead he left Manchester Piccadilly Station, the place where he had refused to be moved from for  _ years. _ The place that he had driven himself insane in, the place that he had been using to hold onto his love for Phil.

He didn't even falter as he left.

The future was vague and unsure and he still had the ache of his loss weighing him down, but he was finally ready to move on without Phil. 

What would people say? Would they be shocked that the man who couldn't be moved had finally left? Or would they see the shattered remains of his heart lying on the station’s floor and know that he had finally lost his faith?

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! come chat to me on tumblr @philscurls 
> 
> sorry for any errors - this was not edited in depth


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